hey guys how's it going? well not alot here just a few lil tidbits I wanted to put in. Well I am currently thinking about joining the Navy and moving to FAR FAR AWAY land. Yeah but that's not gonna solve all my problems here now is it? Of course not. It would handle the money situation and the schooling situation but it wouldn't handle all the other stuff I'm running away from. But if things are gonna work out things will work out even if I do join. I can't be all sissified about it and sit back and watch my life run down the drain when it's not heading for much else. Pray about it. I could get my schooling done in 3 months and as soon as I swore in I would start getting paid. Sounds peaches and cream right? Maybe it is but I'm such a skeptic. Like I said. Pray about it.

On another note, today was interesting. I worked at Zaxby's from like 11 till 2:30 (pathetic) then came home, did a devo at the apartment with katie and some girl's from church, then we went to get her hair done for her "photo shoot" . The "Model" session would have went well had the film decided not to rip half way thru and I got blamed for it (THE CAMERA DID IT I PROMISE)!!! Anywho I had a spare so we managed to get some good shots still. Pray for the photography business. It is much needed. I want to send a shout out to Jessica and Derrick who are the only 2 people who ever comment on my blog b/c they are probably the only 2 people who ever read it. Love you guys. Ya'll are awesome. Well for now I think it's do something else time, main reason? I just wanna do something else.

P.S. Air conditioner broke in apartment. PRAY!!!!
Goodnight

Hey guys!
I didn't do much today just baked some cookies for our devo tonight. Nothing interesting. More later. Gotta run!
Monica

Today is of course just another day in my life but today is filled with opportunity, and newfound meaning. Not really. I'm just excited because I'm getting to do some photography work that I've been wanting to do for a while now. I had like a ton of ideas pop in my head over the past couple of weeks and finally found the means and the people to help me get my portfolio started, God willing. I hope that this is His plan for me. If not that it's an interesting side job along the journey to what I'm suppose to be doing. Lol. It's funny everyone sees it as my "hobby" when I tell them what I would like to do with my life. "Oh that's nice." They say. "That's a good hobby to have. You probably won't make a lot of money off of it but it's a nice thought anyway." Lol they really don't get that it's not about the money with me. I'm fine living in this one bedroom apartment next to this beautiful church that gives awesome photo opportunities. I surveyed the land yesterday and got a ton of ideas. Of course I'll probably want something more when I have a family but that's WAY ahead and many mission trips and photo opts away. Photojournalism is what I want to go into. And if that doesn't work out maybe something to do with mentored kids. Hmmm well well just see what God's crystal ball has in store for me. But until then, the scoop on the love life is nonexistent as always. And for once, I'm cool with that. I finally figured out that I don't need a guy to love me. Yeah, it's nice. But God's really all I need. I've been avoiding Turner for the sheer fact that if I am not around him, then I'll forget him. Simple as that. Everytime he gets around me it's just like reopening old wounds and so the healing process starts over again. So I figure it's best this way. That and he always has something negative to say to me these days. It's either "You never were good at that, or so and so thinks you're a nitwit because" Thanks Turner. Once again you come to the rescue with your sharp ability to trash my feelings. Lol. Nah, I don't care. I've learned to spit it out right back at him and move on (not to say, folks, that that is the best way to deal with things. Just sometimes it's the only way to get the boy to listen.) lol. So for now the great escape has to be made. I have wedding dresses to try on people and photos to take so ya'll pray this goes well. Love ya all and much love.

Okay. Well it's been a while hasn't it? I've been extremely busy here lately with church stuff and work and "what not" So let's see. Where to start. I have decided I'm not going to date anyone. Why? Because for one thing...I won't date anyone I can't see myself marrying. Strange? Maybe, but all dating leads to is marraige and for the record I don't need heartbreak number 2 hanging around my door anytime soon. Ya know I had an episode last night. I pulled a Monica. I was so mad by the end of the night but more mad at myself for allowing myself to get that way. I know I have people who love me and I know that I have alot of people who care about me. Sometimes it just gets so hard to see thru all the stuff that's happened and I feel like I just get pushed to the backburner. It's like all my ideas seem to just not be important enough to listen to and I'm always content to just sit there and watch it happen. What else can I do? Lemme tell ya something. A hug can be the best feeling in the world. I never thought it could be but it is. I had a cryfest with my roomate the other night. I told her how I felt about alot of things and she ended up blubberin right along side me. lol. It was definitely a "girly" moment or whatever ya wanna call it. Anywho I was going thru a time with my church, my ex, and some things that were just pushin me farther and farther from God. Travis Creasy comes up to me at Zaxby's, hugs my neck and says "It's good to see you back." It was the first time in a long time I felt good about myself and I think maybe sometimes that's all it takes. I mean I feel good about myself anyway but sometimes I just need a boost or some kind of encouragement and that was really a picker upper. Turner, lol, hugged me the other night and told me he would pray for me. Wonderful guy he is. Sometimes I just wanna choke him but I love him all the same and I know God put him in my life for a reason. Anywho, guys the point is this. THE WORLD NEEDS A HUG SOMETIMES! So go out and hug someone today and make their day better. I'm kidding. But do go out and make someone smile today. Give them encouragement b/c sometimes that's all they need to life their spirits. Anywho, I'm out like a deaf kid in musical chairs. My laundry awaits me.
SMILE. I love ya and God does too.
XOXO,
Monica

P.S. The Dukes are back!!! :).

Where to begin? I have a newfound dislike for the male species, I find it hard to confide in anyone except girls these days, and I can't even allow the guy who is willing to drive 5 hours to come see me because it's not something I'm ready for. Now isn't that a hoot. I wish I knew what I wanted. I use to have everything so perfectly or at least semi-perfectly laid out and all I can figure is it wasn't God's plan for me yet if ever. I realy wish I could confide in someone on earth and let my barrier down. God's awesome to talk to, don't get me wrong. I just wish I had an earthly pal. lol. You know almost every single one of my friend's has left me since me and Turner broke up? I find it quite amusing since we go to church with half of them. They act like they feel sorry for me and I loathe that. The people I use to confide in got cocky and got in a band and now I don't even know them anymore. They are 2 completely different people. And Turner, Turner likes to rub it in my face. Sometimes I think even the other one does too. I just need to leave Albertville, get as far away from here as I can. I use to have a reason to stay. Now that reason has turned me away several times and reprimanded me pubicly to the point where I'm not comfortable there. God give me some direction and guide my feet. I have too many trust issues right now to let anyone else into my heart except you. Grrr...I wish I could figure stuff out.